


Prison Talk

by Selenay



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-08-15
Updated: 2003-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 01:59:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenay/pseuds/Selenay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all that she's done, Faith is ready to make amends for her actions. But is Buffy ready to forgive? It's written in a similar style to Conversations, but will it have the same outcome?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really must have something about Buffy vs. Dracula this week. This is set a couple of days after the episode, and Buffy gets a telephone call from an old friend...
> 
> This was inspired by Pat Kelly's suggestion to do a Conversations-esque series about Buffy and Faith. Let me know what you think of the idea.
> 
> I honestly can't remember whether I ever finished this, but I don't think I did and that means it's definitely not going to be finished. Read at your own risk.

Buffy closed the front door behind her tiredly. Although Dracula was probably long gone, she had felt duty bound to check out the castle, or the spot where the castle had sat, to make sure. _Sure, and it had nothing to do with you not wanting to deal with Riley right now, did it?_ a snide voice asked her.

She did not deign that comment with a reply, instead making her way into the kitchen to get a snack. The telephone began ringing as she passed it and she quickly picked it up, not wanting the noise to wake her mother or sister.

"Hello?"

At the other end there was only silence. Buffy could not even hear anyone breathing.

"Hello? Is anyone there? Look, if you don't answer in two seconds I'll-"

"B?"

Faith's voice stopped her dead. It sounded so hesitant, not at all like the brash young girl she had known.

"B?" Faith repeated.

"F-Faith?" Buffy asked, incredulously.

"Yeah, it's me. Look, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now - God knows I made sure of that - but..."

"H-how...why...why are they letting you call so late?" Buffy asked, concentrating on something mundane while she tried to organise her scattered thoughts.

"I'm being a good girl now - it has its perks."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I've got this counsellor hanging around, trying to sort out my life for me. This is one of her lessons - try to make amends for what I did. So, I'm trying."

"Oh," Buffy said again.

There was silence as the blonde Slayer tried convince herself that putting the telephone down would be the best thing for everyone. For some reason, something was stopping her. Curiosity perhaps. _Sadomasochism, more like,_ she thought ruefully.

"B? You still there?"

"I'm still here."

There was more silence.

"I thought you'd have hung up on me by now," Faith said uncertainly.

"I'm not sure why I haven't." Buffy sighed. "How are you?"

"I'm just swimming along," Faith said with false cheer. After a beat she added, "It's hard, you know?"

"No, I don't."

"This counsellor woman, she wants me to talk about my life and work out why everything went so wrong. She'd lock me up for sure if I told her."

Buffy frowned. "Is that why you called me?"

"No. If I need to talk about our world, I can talk to Angel. He's really cool about it."

"That's why I took you to him in the first place."

Buffy heard Faith let out a pain-filled sigh. "I know that now. It's just...when you did that, I thought you were abandoning me. And then the Watchers came and I was sure you'd set it up. I screwed everything up because I'm so..."

"Hot-headed?"

"Stupid was the word I was gonna go with, but yours is much nicer."

Buffy grinned and then forced it away. "I can think of lots of other words as well."

"I know you can."

"Why am I still talking to you?"

"I don't know."

The conversation lapsed into silence again.

"Are you sorry?" Buffy asked slowly.

There was silence on the telephone, apart from a sudden intake of breath, and the blonde Slayer was almost afraid that Faith was not going to answer.

"I think so, yeah," Faith said quietly. "I'm sorry I hurt so many people. I'm sorry I caused so much mess. I'm sorry...I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Oh."

"Betcha never thought you'd hear that from me." She paused. "I'm-"

She cut off as Buffy heard a bell ring somewhere.

"I've gotta go," Faith told her quickly. "Lights out, time for bed and all."

"Ok."

"Look, thanks for not hanging up on me."

"I'm not sure why I didn't," Buffy admitted.

"Whatever, I'm glad."

"Take care."

"You too."

The low buzz of the disconnect tone sounded in Buffy's ear and she stared at the telephone for a long time before putting it back on the cradle. It probably ranked as one of her oddest conversations ever and she felt a strange sense of restlessness. _I wonder..._


	2. Chapter 2

Faith nervously drummed a fingernail on the payphone as she waited. The sound of the telephone at the other end echoed down the line and she began to give up hope. The tiny telephone room was stuffy and hot, there were no chairs in it and she could feel the eyes of the guards on her through the tiny window in the door. Finally, she heard a click as the receiver at the other end was picked up and then Buffy's voice crackled down the line.

"Hello?"

"B?" Not that she needed to ask; that voice was imprinted on her memory. But it seemed to work last time.

"Faith?"

"The one and only."

"Oh." She could hear the other Slayer breathing quietly down the line. "How are you?"

"Not bad. Staying out of trouble, that kinda thing."

"That's good."

"And you?"

She heard Buffy chuckle, a sound that was not full of happiness. "I'm fine. Not much going on here."

"Yeah?"

"You know, vampires, demons, dead magic shop owners - nothing much changes in good old Sunnydale. I don't know why Giles would want to own a magic shop - didn't what happened to the last owner make any impression? And what's with Harmony anyway? As vampires go she's pathetic, but she still comes after my family. Has she got no sense at all?"

Faith blinked. When B vented, she really knew how to vent. "I'm gonna take a wild stab and guess that Harmony is a vampire with ambitions."

"Thinking of joining up with her?"

The dark Slayer winced. Even at her lowest, there had been standards. She squelched the thought; she was trying for redemption, so justifying her past, even to herself, was not allowed.

"No, just trying to make sense of the babble," she replied absently.

"I babble?"

Faith winced again. Pissing off Buffy was not the way to gain her forgiveness and certainly not the way to rebuild a friendship.

"Not bad babble - good babble. Sometimes. Uh, so, B, Giles has a magic shop?"

There was silence at the other end and the Slayer could imagine Buffy frowning at the telephone, debating how much to say and why she had not slammed the handset down yet.

"Yeah," she said eventually. "I think he was feeling useless last year, so I guess there's a reason for it. But still - buying a shop from a guy who got killed because he owned it?"

"B, he's a guy. They have to be doing something that makes them feel useful, not matter how stupid, or they whither and die. It's the way the world works."

"Don't I know it."

Sometimes, Faith reflected, Buffy was just too serious about everything. Not that she did better - her fun was what landed her here in the first place - but still...maybe B could do with lightening up sometimes.

"How...is...is everything ok where you are?" Buffy asked, hesitantly. "Not that I'm concerned, you understand...I just wondered..."

"I'm in prison, B, not the best place in the world. But it was my idea so I'm not looking to escape." Faith grinned wryly. "You're trying to decide why you're still talking to me, aren't you?"

"How'd you guess?"

"I know you."

"You know me that well?"

"I know you well enough to know that right now you're probably pacing around your room, packing up your supplies for patrol and trying to decide which shirt you want to ruin tonight."

There was a long moment of silence and the dark Slayer grinned as imagined Buffy's 'caught in the act' expression. Really, she was too easy to get sometimes.

"Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm...uh...doing my nails?" Faith chuckled at Buffy's lame attempt at lying. "Yeah, that's right, I'm doing my nails. Definitely no patrol tonight."

"And I'm Mother Theresa," Faith snorted. "B, give it up. I know you too well."

"Why am I listening to you?"

"I don't know. Tell you the truth, I was kinda surprised you didn't slam the phone down last time."

"So was I."

"But we've managed to talk for a couple of minutes without shouting. That's gotta be an improvement."

"That's only because I don't know where to start yelling."

The guard's face appeared at the tiny window in the door and, from the glare Faith received, she gathered it was time to wind up the call.

"I'd love to carry on chatting but I think I'm wanted elsewhere."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You know prisons - start to look like you're enjoying yourself and they feel they aren't doing their job right. I got a meeting with the counsellor in a few."

"Oh."

"So I'll get going then."

"Ok."

"You never know, maybe I'll call again. You still haven't said all the things you want to say to me."

"I haven't?"

"Come on, B, after everything I did you've gotta have some serious ranting bottled up inside you." Faith could easily imagine the other Slayer's shrug, and the way she was probably fiddling with her shirtsleeve as she tried not to admit how right she was. "Don't worry - you'll get your chance. But I have to go now. Don't want to piss off the nice guard out there."

"Ok."

"Bye."

"Take care of yourself."

The telephone immediately went dead in her ear and Faith grinned, obscurely pleased that B had forgotten herself enough to actually wish her well. Maybe things weren't past salvaging after all.


	3. Chapter 3

The room was filled with the low buzz of people trying to hold private conversations, despite being separated by sheets of plate glass. Faith walked slowly out of the corridor into the small, stuffy area behind the glass, aware of the glares the guards were giving her. The only unoccupied seat was half way down the row and she smiled faintly when she saw who sat on the other side of the divider. She picked up the handset as she sat, and grinned.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"How's it going?"

"Oh, the usual." Faith grimaced. "Bad food, worse guards and people who think it would be a great plan to get me in trouble with them. Sometimes I wish..."

"Yeah?"

She shrugged. "Nothing. I wouldn't want to go back to what I was, not now, but sometimes it's just so tempting to say 'screw this, I'm getting outta here'."

"The road back is never easy."

The dark Slayer nodded. "Is it worth it?"

"It can be."

"I managed to talk the guards into letting me make some phone calls," Faith said, smiling.

Angel returned her smile. "Can I guess who you called first?"

"She didn't hang up on me."

"No, she wouldn't."

"She hates me though."

"She doesn't hate you," Angel tried to reassure her. "You hurt her a lot and it's going to take more than a couple of phone calls to make that up. Give her time."

Faith let some of her hope and amazement show in her eyes, surprised by how easy it was becoming to let her emotions out. "We talked, not deep or anything, and it was weird how easy it was. She didn't even yell - I think she's working up to it. I'm not looking forward to that but she'll feel better for it so..."

"You really have changed," Angel said wonderingly.

"I guess I have." Faith paused to consider. "I still get mad, and sometimes I really, really wish I could just...but I know I can't now. And I know why I can't. Before, when you were all trying to help me and I was..."

"Rejecting it?"

"I was gonna go with 'trying to kill you all' but that works too. Anyway, before...I couldn't see why you wanted me to change." She smiled sadly. "I couldn't understand why anyone could want to let go of the rush once they'd tasted it. I couldn't see why you were all making such a big deal about my life and what I'd done. I mean, hell, I'd saved hundreds of people! I figured I was owed a few."

Angel sighed. "It's an easy thought to have."

"Yeah."

There was silence for a moment and then Angel looked at her curiously. "What made you change?"

"Truth?"

He nodded.

"Buffy."

She stared at the desk in front of her and began tracing patterns on the wood with her fingers.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah."

He thought for a moment. "I can understand that. She's very..."

Faith nodded.

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"Not yet."

"When you do..."

"I know where you are." Faith shook herself and grinned through the glass. "So, how are the new offices working out?"

"They're...working," Angel said with a grimace.

"Let me guess - Miss High School Cheerleader is not impressed by them."

"Something like that." Angel rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I'll work it out."

"Wanna talk about it?" Faith asked. "That counsellor keeps telling me that anything looks better when you've talked about it. Can't hurt to try her out."

"It's...complicated."

"Life always is. So, what's going on? Sounds more serious than a bad case of sixties wallpaper."

The vampire paused for a moment and looked at her, weighing everything up. If he told her, would she think he was going insane? But maybe she would understand. "Did Buffy ever tell you about Darla?"


	4. Chapter 4

The Slayer watched her mother sleeping on the couch for a moment before silently padding into the kitchen. Dawn had gone to bed an hour ago, thankfully, and Buffy really did not want to wake her mother up from the sleep she so obviously needed. Between her collapse and Riley's determination to nearly kill himself, Buffy could feel the tension in neck and shoulders sending bursts of pain through her head. All in all, this had not been one of her better days. For a while she aimlessly looked through the kitchen cupboards, not really knowing what she was searching for but certain she would when she saw it. Cereal . . . no . . . crackers . . . no . . . fruit . . . no . . . ah, chocolate spread.

The jar was unopened, probably because she had not been around lately to open it and Dawn refused to eat it. For a moment, Buffy felt as though she was ten again, trying to sneak something she should not have. She felt a little silly when she remembered that she was nearly twenty and nobody was going to tell her off for eating a little chocolate spread. She got a teaspoon out of a drawer and sat down at the breakfast bar to work on her illicit treat.

She had only managed to eat one spoonful, slowly licked off the spoon to prolong the flavour, when the telephone rang. Grumbling under her breath, Buffy stood and quickly picked up the receiver so her mother did not get woken up.

"Hello?" she said quietly, taking the telephone back to the breakfast bar so she was further away from the living room.

"B?"

It was that voice again. Somehow, deep down, she had know that the other Slayer would not give up even if it had been a couple of weeks since they spoke.

"Faith," she said flatly.

"The one and only."

"Why are you calling so late?"

"I called earlier but there was no answer. Guess you were out, doing whatever it is you do with your beefstick."

"Something like that."

"How are you?"

"Why do you care so much?" Buffy asked. The tension inside needed airing and, unfortunately, Faith had called at precisely the wrong time. "You've done your best to tear me apart, ruin my relationship with my friends and Riley and make me as unhappy as you can. So why do you now care about my feelings?"

"B, I-"

"Oh no, you're not doing that again. I might not have said what I wanted to the last times you called, but today I've had about enough of former evil people pissing me off and making everything go wrong."

"Jeez, B, I-"

"Would you mind shutting up so I can yell quietly at you?" Buffy asked, the rationality in her voice making the venom sound worse. "Mom's asleep out there and if I have to shout she'll wake up."

"Sorry, B. Take your best shot." There was no laugher in Faith's voice this time.

For a moment the blonde Slayer spluttered, unable to find the words that had been boiling up only seconds ago. But the moment lasted less than a breath and then she was off again.

"I have never hated anyone as much as I hated you. You tried to take over my life and turn me into something I never want to be. You hurt people that mean more to me than anything else in the world. Did you know Willow cried herself to sleep sometimes because of the things you said? And you don't even have the excuse of a demon living inside you. It was all you."

"I know."

"I'm not finished. I've had months to work this out and I haven't come anywhere near done yet. Before you arrived, Slaying was just something I was cursed to do and I thought I did a good job. But you changed that. I started to realise what being a Slayer really was. And then you killed someone and you didn't even care!

"Slaying felt...dirty. Like I was doing something wrong every time I dusted a vampire or killed a demon. You did that to me. And then you changed sides and hurt my friends. I could still have forgiven you for that, then.

"You don't know this, but when I found out you had woken up I was the one that was trying to persuade everyone that you might have changed. They were all telling me that the best thing we could to do was find and capture you, that leopards never change their stripes...or tiger change their...that people like you don't change and I wanted to believe that you had changed! But you hadn't and you did things that I'll never be able to forget." Buffy paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "I felt like a sewer had run inside me and spewed filth and dirt inside and I'd never be able to get rid of it. I hated you for that and nothing you can say will ever change that."

The end of Buffy's outburst was met with silence. Nothing seemed to move in the house and she could not even hear the sound of Faith breathing on the other end of the line. Maybe the other Slayer had gone away.

"B, I...there's...what..."

A loud buzzer in the prison cut off Faith's uncertain voice. Looking at the clock, Buffy realised that it must be lock-up time and the other Slayer's words confirmed it.

"I have to go. Guards get antsy when we ignore them."

There was a click as the telephone receiver was put down at the other end and then Buffy was listening to the annoying dial tone. It felt good to get all of that off her chest, so why did she feel guilty as well?


	5. Chapter 5

Buffy,

I don't know where to start so I'm just going to go straight into this. Can you believe this is the sixth time I've tried this? This time I'm not stopping for anything, so it's probably going to look a complete mess. After everything else, I'm sure you'll let me get away with a few spelling mistakes and the odd crossing-out. I hope.

God, I don't know what to say now. Well, I know what I want to say but how do I say it? I guess the first place to start is - you're right. Everything you said tonight was right. I'm a bitch and, to be honest (yes, I know what honesty is), I've always known it. That doesn't excuse what I did, far from, but maybe it explains why things went this way. I've always known I'm not worth much so when I started down this road there didn't seem any point in not living up (or down, if that's better) to expectations.

Do you want to know something? When I first arrived in Sunnydale, and everyone was so nice and all, that was the first time I'd been treated that way. Like I was worth something. I knew it wouldn't last and I was right, wasn't I?

Sometimes I feel as though I've got all the dirt in the world inside me and if I could just get a brush or something inside I could scrub it away and I'll feel clean. It doesn't matter how many showers I take or how many lives I've saved, that's never going to go away. There's something inside me that's wrong, and corrupted, and I can't get away from it or wash it away. It makes me want to hit something, or kill something, or just give into the rage I can feel burning inside me. As though if I do the corruption will go away and I'll be free again. But every time I give in it just makes the feeling worse. I think I've worked out what it is - it's the gunk left over from every person I've enjoyed killing or hurting. So if I don't give into it, it won't get worse. Right?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know I've done bad, evil stuff and nothing I can do is ever going to change that. I can't make it better and I can't undo what I've done. But I am sorry for it. Some of those people deserved what I did, but I still shouldn't have done it. Most of all I'm sorry that I hurt you so much. I may not be able to change what I did but I can try to make amends for it, can't I?

You probably tore this up as soon as you saw who it's from. So I'm just talking to myself now, or writing anyway. But in case you didn't, I'm trying to say sorry and that's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. We'll never be friends again but do you think, maybe, you could not hate me? I don't expect forgiveness but it would feel good to know there's someone out there who doesn't hate me.

There, that's it. I'm done now. Maybe we'll talk again someday.

Faith.

_** Buffy lowered the letter, deep in thought. She searched deep inside for the kernel of hate and loathing she had always kept for Faith, but for some reason it was not there. Maybe . . . **_


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy closed the door behind Giles and leaned against it, shuddering. This was not happening. How could it? Dawn...she could remember all the things she had done with Dawn. All their arguments. How Dawn had ignored her for days after she ran away, angry at what Buffy had put their mother through, but none of it had actually happened. What was real and what wasn't? Which parts of her memories were her own and which had been created?

She took a deep breath, calming herself, and pushed away from the door. Part of her wanted to go out and patrol, use the adrenaline to push away the uncertainty, but she knew she couldn't. She had to think of Dawn now, and protect her.

The phone rang as she passed it and Buffy picked it up, somehow knowing before she answered who it would be.

"Hello?"

"B?"

"Faith." Buffy waited for the familiar anger to appear at the other Slayer's voice but it was not there. "Hi. How are you?"

"Not bad. Wasn't sure if you'd talk to me."

"I got your letter."

"Oh."

"Funny thing is...I stopped hating you a while ago. Weird, huh?"

There was silence at the other end of the line.

"Faith?"

The silence continued.

"Faith, are you still there?"

"Yeah," Faith said slowly, and Buffy thought she detected a slight tremble in the girl's voice. "I'm here. Just...had a dry throat for a bit, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"So, how are you?"

"Fine, I guess," Buffy said uncertainly.

"No, you're not."

"Excuse me?"

"B, I know you. I can hear it in your voice. Something big is up, and you aren't at all fine with it."

Buffy paused for a moment, but then it all tumbled out. Events and emotions were still too raw for her to conceal them, despite her misgivings about talking to the other Slayer. "It's...there's this person. I have no idea what she is but she kicked my ass like she was playing with a really pathetic Barbie doll. And she's after Dawn. Who turns out not to be my sister after all, but some kind of mysterious Key and I have to protect her. And I have all these memories of her but none of them are real. I don't know what's real now and what isn't! Mom's sick, Riley can't cope with my Slayerness and everything is getting screwed up."

There was silence at the other end of the line for a moment before Faith cautiously asked, "Dawn?"

"Yeah. You know, my annoying little sister? The kid who makes my life hell? Girl who...you don't remember her?"

"B, this is the first time you've mentioned a sister," Faith said, sounding hurt.

Buffy abruptly slid to the floor. "You don't remember? But you met her. You stole her fries the first time you came dinner. She gave you that ugly vase at Christmas, and you smashed it the night we fought. She-"

"B, you don't have a sister."

"No. No I don't." Buffy shoulders began to shake as the events of the night finally sank in. "I don't have a sister."

Silently, she began to cry.

After a few moments of silence Faith began to worry. "B?"

Pause.

"B, are you ok?"

Pause.

"Look, I know this is weird..."

Pause.

"B, stop crying."

Pause.

"Shit, I'm coming down there. Just hold on and I'll-"

That pulled Buffy out of herself. "No, don't. Stay there. You won't do any good if you break out of there."

"But B-"

"No. I'm fine. I'll **be** fine. I'm just tired right now. Tomorrow it'll all be ok." Buffy smiled through her tears, even though she knew Faith couldn't see her. "Stay where you are. I know you want to make up for what you did but you won't do that by rushing down here. I've told Giles, he'll help me, and I have all my friends here."

"I know."

"So you'll stay?"

There was silence for a moment. "Jeeze, B, I don't know what came over me there. I don't normally do that."

"Offer to break out of prison?"

"Stick my neck out for someone."

"How did it feel?"

"It felt...really good. How about that?"

"Yeah, how about that."

"Are you sure you're gonna be ok?"

"No. But I'll try."

"Atta girl."

"Way to make me feel like a horse."

Buffy could hear the grin in the younger girl's voice. "Nah, you're nothing like a horse."

"Glad to hear that."

"You're more like a duck."

The blonde Slayer blinked. "A duck?"

"Yeah. You fly well and you make a lot of noise."

"For that I might have to..."

"What?" Faith challenged, laughter mingling with her voice for the first time in a long, long while.

"Call you again to pester you," Buffy finished, wiping her eyes. The verbal sparring with the other Slayer was actually helping her to forget her troubles.

"Would you?" the other girl asked uncertainly.

"Maybe...yeah, I will."

"Thanks."

A loud buzzing sounded down the line and Buffy frowned as she recognised it. "Guess you have to go now, huh?"

"Yeah, they wanna lock me safely away for the night so I can't get out and hurt anyone."

"They have no idea, do they?"

"Nah. Not that it's a bad thing, really. I don't think it would be good for them to know what our world is like. They have enough problems with the other world." Buffy heard Faith sigh down the telephone. "It would be nice, though, if they knew."

"Why?"

"Because...damn, I gotta go. Look, B, will you...?"

"Yeah. Take care."

"I will."

"Sleep well."

"You too."

The line went dead and Buffy put the receiver back on its cradle. Maybe things would not be as bad as she thought they would...


	7. Chapter 7

Faith followed the guard down the hallway. Behind her the gates into the main prisoners' area slammed shut and buzzed as they locked. Prison was full of locks, she reflected, and half the time it seemed that they were there to protect the guards more than to keep the prisoners in. The guards would probably have gone crazy if they had any idea of how easily she could break out if she wanted to.

They stopped at a door and the guard gestured to it with a grunt. Faith grinned and saluted perkily, just for the pleasure of annoying him, before going into the room and closing the door.

The room was bare apart from a payphone, without even a chair to sit on, but then most prisoners did not have heart-to-hearts on the telephone. They saved those for visiting times but Buffy had never even mentioned the possibility of visiting and Faith was reluctant to send a visiting order in case the blonde Slayer rejected it. It felt pretty silly to be so afraid of rejection but even their weekly phone calls were more than she had ever expected to have six months ago.

She picked up the telephone, put in her card and dialled the familiar number. The line picked up almost before it rang and Faith knew that Buffy had been sitting next to it waiting for her.

"B?" The greeting was becoming a ritual.

There was a shuddering breath at the other end and then Buffy's voice said weakly, "Faith?"

"The one and only," she quipped. "You paged me?"

Calling into the prison was a chancy business; some of the less pleasant officers did not pass on messages no matter how urgent. Faith knew that whatever was wrong must be urgent for Buffy take the risk rather than waiting two days for the weekly call.

"Yeah," Buffy said slowly. "I needed someone to talk to."

"I'm here."

"I know." Buffy took another deep, shaky breath. "Thank you."

"B, you don't need to thank me. It's hardly a chore to talk to you, or listen if that's what you need."

For a moment there was silence before Buffy began speaking.

"Riley. He left. He's left me." Buffy's voice wobbled slightly. "I don't know what to do. Riley left town last night and it's all my fault."

"How can you know that?"

"He told me."

Faith cursed under her breath. "Then he's a bastard."

"No, he's not. I think he might be right."

"What?"

"He said that I'm not there. I don't let him in when things happen to me and I keep secrets. I guess he needs me to need him but I've been shutting him out and he couldn't take it anymore."

"He left because you don't need him?" Faith asked, incredulously. "What a jerk!"

"He kinda had a point. I mean, Spike knew about Mom before he did. I didn't even think to tell him. And he knows I have a big secret but I can't tell him about Dawn. I've told you everything that's happening. What does that say about me? About my priorities? About my relationship?"

"B, it says that you're strong," Faith said sternly.

"Maybe I'm too strong though."

"No, don't ever think that. You're the Slayer and if you ran crying to him every time you chipped a nail you wouldn't be doing your job." Faith paused. "Did you love him?"

"How can you ask that?" Buffy's voice was passing from tearful into anger now.

"It's a fair question."

"Of course I loved him!"

"But not as much as he loves you."

There was a long pause and for a moment Faith worried that Buffy would hang up. Talking like this had been a foreign concept to the dark-haired girl until she decided to make amends with Buffy and she was still not sure of the rules. Maybe there were no rules for this kind of thing. She would have to ask Angel . . . if he ever got around to visiting again.

"Maybe," Buffy finally whispered. "I love him but . . . I don't need him to live. I can get along without him. Maybe he needed to know I couldn't live without him but that just wasn't how I felt. Is that so terrible?"

"No, it's not."

"Then why did he leave?"

Faith nearly began one of her rants about men's failings, before rethinking and deciding that was not what Buffy needed to hear right now. "B, Riley needed something that you couldn't give him. Not because you weren't good enough, but because you guys just weren't clicking together. You were going off in different directions. He's a bastard for his timing and the way he did it, but maybe in the long run this is better."

"How? I don't understand how him leaving me can be better."

"B, have you told him any of what you've told me?" Faith asked. "Not just tonight, but about Dawn, your Mom, Angel . . . any of it?"

The silence on the other end of the telephone simply confirmed her assumption.

"I thought so. Shouldn't that be saying something to you? Such as, if I can't tell him that kind of stuff why am I with him?"

"Maybe," Buffy said reluctantly. "I did decide to make the effort . . . I ran as fast as I could but he had already gone. I wasn't fast enough."

"B, I know you. If you had to think that long before deciding to make the effort - and that phrase alone makes me shudder - then maybe it was because you didn't want to make the effort."

"Oh."

"I'm not saying that this was your fault. Or that you won't one day find someone you have to make an effort to be with. Hell, I hope you do. But it won't be something you have to chose to do; it'll be something that burns so deeply inside of you that you can't do anything else." Faith rolled her eyes, wincing at the unexpected note of preaching in her voice. "Listen to me - I sound like Oprah god-dammed Winfrey."

Buffy chuckled weakly. "You're just missing the TV audience."

"Oh, I got an audience. The guard out there is very interested."

"I'll bet," the blonde Slayer snorted. "Listen, I know this isn't your thing."

"Yeah, well . . . a friend's gotta do what a friend's gotta do."

"You're my friend?" Buffy's voice held a tiny bit of hope and happiness, even through her tears.

Even though she knew the gesture would not be seen down the telephone Faith shrugged and tried to look unconcerned. "Yeah, I'd like to be. I think I'm your friend - even if you don't want to be mine."

"I think . . . I think right now I could use some friends."

"Yeah, I think you could."

There was silence as both girls thought deeply for a while.

"You know, if I'd been able to talk to Riley like this maybe it would have worked," Buffy said eventually.

"But you couldn't."

"No. There was always this part of me I didn't want him to see."

"B, if that's how you felt then maybe he did the right thing. Put him down as a fun fling while it lasted but not your life-defining love. Then try to move past it."

"And onto someone else? Isn't that a little . . ."

"Too much like me?" Faith grunted sourly. "Nah. I'd never have stuck it with Riley for that long. Fuck 'em and leave 'em, that's me. You stick around for the long term. But just 'cause you do, that doesn't mean you can't end a relationship that ain't right. You just have to know when to stick and when to go."

"Not one of my talents," Buffy muttered, and Faith knew that she was thinking of Angel as well as Riley.

"Maybe not, but isn't that what friends are for? To make you see things that you can't?"

"I guess."

"You know it."

"Faith, can you promise something?"

"Depends what it is."

Buffy paused, and Faith could imagine the thoughtful look on the blonde girl's face before she answered. "Could you promise to always make me see things that I can't? Even if they're things I don't want to see. I know the guys here love me but they can't seem to . . ."

"Tell you to get your head out of your ass until it's too late?"

"There's probably a nicer way to put that."

"Probably. But I'm not nice."

There was an exasperated sigh down the telephone line. "We'll argue about that another time."

"Jeez, B, are you gonna try to make me into a cute fuzzy wuzzy teddy bear now?" Faith snorted. "I thought you knew me."

"I do know you. Which is why I need you to promise me that one thing."

Rolling her eyes, Faith sighed. "B, of course I'll do it. I promise to make you see the things you don't want to. I promise to always be the first to tell you when you need to take your head out of your ass or lighten up. I promise never to let you get away with anything you shouldn't. So long as you promise to do the same thing for me."

It's a deal."

"Good." Faith paused uncertainly. "B?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you'll be ok?"

"Sure. I'm better already."

"Why do I not believe you?" Faith muttered beneath her breath.

Buffy evidently did not hear her comment, either that or she simply ignored it. "And you? How are you? God, I didn't even ask. How selfish is that?"

"Don't sweat it. You know me - I'm five by five. You're the one with the boyfriend problems - I promise to tell you all about my life next time. Should take about thirty seconds."

"Thanks."

"Listen, that guard is giving me the evil eye so I'd better go. I'll call you in a couple of days."

"You don't have to-"

"I'll call. You take care. Get that witch of yours to do the girly video night or something. Chill."

"Ok."

"Great."

Before she could embarrass herself any further with her rapid decent into mushdom Faith put the telephone down. It had been a weird conversation. Who would have thought, six months ago, that she would be the one counselling Buffy after a break-up? She shook her head. The odds against it were just too high. Yet here she was, in prison, and on the verge of something that felt strange, wonderful and completely terrifying. She actually seemed to be making a real, genuine friend.


	8. Chapter 8

Buffy waited. The room was stuffy and filled with the quiet murmur of people talking but trying not to be overheard. She wrinkled her nose at the smell: unwashed bodies, boiled cabbage and depression. For the first time she had a comprehension of how terrible prison truly was. How did Faith stand this?

The door behind the glass dividers opened and Buffy had her first look at Faith for nearly a year. The other Slayer was thinner than she remembered and the blue prison garb hung loosely on her. Faith's hair was longer and slightly wavy, her face was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes. But as soon as her eyes settled on Buffy, she smiled and that smile lit up her face in a way Buffy had never seen. With one change of expression Faith transformed from a pretty but worn girl into a beautiful woman.

Buffy's eyes stayed locked to Faith's as the dark haired girl made her way to her seat and sat down. She was not aware that she was smiling faintly herself, against all the odds.

Faith picked up her black handset with slightly trembling hands. "Hey. Wasn't sure you'd show."

"I nearly didn't. There's some family stuff going on so . . ." Buffy shrugged. "How are you?"

"You know me. I'm getting by."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? That's why you look like you're starving yourself and you haven't slept in three days."

"Prison isn't exactly a holiday camp, B. I know I look like hell, but I'm not complaining."

"I didn't say you look like hell."

"You thought it, though."

"Actually I thought you look like someone who needs a few good meals . . . someone to take care of you for a while."

Faith snorted and rolled her eyes. "Good one, B. I'm not exactly the coddling type so don't go getting any ideas."

"I wasn't!" Buffy protested.

"Uh-huh," Faith said disbelievingly. "I'll believe you. Millions wouldn't."

Buffy poked her tongue out, and then blushed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get on your case. This isn't how I pictured this."

"How did you picture it? Throw cushions and pretty flowers on the tables? California State isn't really into that sort of thing."

"I don't know how I pictured it. I guess I thought we'd be much more serious, no kidding around, and discuss important world issues."

"Jeez, you really do have a funny way of looking at me." Faith grinned through the glass. "You think I'd actually know anything about important world issues? B, we're friends. As friends, that means we joke around sometimes and don't have to be all serious. I'm not really a world-issues kinda girl."

Buffy shrugged. "Yeah, I know. I just don't really know how I'm meant to behave here. What is the accepted etiquette for prison visits?"

"I don't know. I don't get many."

"Doesn't Angel . . ?"

"Nah, he's on some big crusade right now. The others don't trust me, and they really don't like me. Not that I blame them - I did some crappy things to them."

"But you've changed."

"I guess I have." Faith paused thoughtfully. "I didn't think I could. But . . . I want to make a difference now. I'm fed-up of being in here, not able to do anything. I want to be out there doing good things. You showed me that I could so now I just wanna live up to that."

"I showed you?"

Faith's smile was slightly lop-sided. "In a way. When I had your body . . . I saved this kid from a vampire. And then I saved all those folks in that church. And just for a moment it felt really, really good. And I wondered if that's how you feel every day and I got kinda jealous. I wanted to feel that. Maybe that's why I'm here now instead of out there, hurting people."

"Faith, deep down you're a good person. You just got lost for a while."

"You believe that?"

Buffy shook her head. "I know that."

For a moment Faith was silent, and stared down at her hands where she was picking at a thread on the cuff of her shirt. Buffy could see thoughts running across her face but gave her a moment just to work through them.

"B, you always see things in me that I can't," the dark haired girl said eventually. "I think I like that. I used to get scared of that and run away, but I think I'm finally ready for it."

Buffy smiled at her. "That's what being friends is about. We can see things in each other that we're afraid of, or don't want to face, and because we're friends we can tell each other. Have you ever wondered what would have happened if we'd trusted each other before?"

"You mean with the Mayor?"

Buffy nodded.

"Hell, yeah. All the time." Faith shrugged. "And I think it might have been really, really different. But at the time I just saw you trying to sell me up the river, and you were running scared. I was a prize idiot."

"I was not exactly the mistress of sensitivity," Buffy admitted. "We both handled it badly."

Faith looked up, her blue eyes intense. "I hated myself for doing all of that. I really did. But I couldn't stop myself either. Don't blame yourself - I was so fucked up then that I didn't know what I was doing half the time. And the rest of the time I was doing stuff to make the pain go away. You couldn't have stopped me."

"I could have tried harder." Buffy suddenly realised that there were tears in her eyes, but she had no idea why. "I should have tried harder. If I had tried to reach you . . . talked to you . . . anything."

"B, I wasn't listening. You couldn't have said anything that would have made any difference."

Buffy took a deep, shuddering breath. "Yeah, I know that. In my head, I know that. But in here?" She put her hand over her heart. "I can't accept that."

Faith nodded, and then looked deeper into Buffy's eyes. The blonde girl tried to break the contact but her eyes were captivated by Faith's, and she could not tear away.

"This isn't just about the past, is it?" Faith asked slowly. "Something's going on in there. Something to do with now. Is it . . . is something going on with Dawn?"

Buffy grimaced, but nodded. "Damn, you're getting good at that."

"Like you said, friends do this stuff. So, spill."

And in a cold, prison visiting room Buffy was finally able to pour out her heart and talk to someone about all the problems that had been building up. It was not the ideal setting, and six months ago Faith would have been the last person she talked to like this, but it felt good and right. And she finally felt whole.


End file.
